


Hurtful love ( A collection of angst between Linstead)

by jojogonzalez3



Category: Chicago PD (TV)
Genre: Additional Warnings Apply, Angst, Anxiety, Arguing, Cheating, Cuddling & Snuggling, Death, Depression, Domestic Violence, Emotional Hurt, F/M, Goodbyes, Heartbreak, Kissing, Mild Hurt/Comfort, Non-Consensual Hugging, Original Character(s), Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Sad, Suicide Attempt, Swearing, Violence
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-12-07
Updated: 2019-01-29
Packaged: 2019-09-13 10:12:26
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 3,905
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16890606
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jojogonzalez3/pseuds/jojogonzalez3
Summary: Just a collection of one-shots with just angst and a bit of comfort but not a great deal of it. This will feature Linstead (Erin Lindsay x Jay Halstead)





	1. The Other Woman

Lindsay laid in the sofa watching WGN since she took time off due to her battling the flu. Halstead , however, did go to work he can’t stay in one place most of the time. Lindsay grabbed his phone and checked her phone no messages yet no calls from Halstead; he is busy after all, but he checks on Lindsay at least once a day. She quickly dialed his number and lowered the tv. The phone kept ringing and ringing until there was an answer about ten minutes later. ‘’Hey baby, I was calling to let you know if you would like to order some pizza or Chinese food cuddle and watch Netflix’’? You could hear the excitement in her voice and she blared out the loving plans. ‘’Um..Erin I’m sorry I have to work overtime again’’. Hearing this, Lindsay’s excited voice quickly got soft and hurt. ‘’Oh again’’? Halstead scratched his head before continuing. ‘’Baby we need the extra money for the rent. You should know that’’. Lindsay agreed and quickly hanged up. Lindsay and Halstead have been quite distant since their jobs today would have been great for it. Lindsay checked the time on her phone and it read 8:35pm quickly got ready and went to go buy some ingredients for her homemade soup.

Driving down Roosevelt to go to Jewel- Osco, something had caught her eye..A man who looked too similar as Halstead with another woman. Lindsay drove slowly beside them that is when she realized it was Jay it was her boyfriend the one who has been lying to her for the longest time. She parked her car and got out ;her heart is in pieces ,thinking this is the way , they became distant because of that woman. Lindsay stopped in front of the couple and crossed her arms. Halstead quickly put his head in defeat he knew he fucked up and greatly. ‘’ So, Jay this is what overtime is to you’’? Lindsay said as her voice cracked as tears poured down her cheek. ‘’Erin listen I am sorry. I lost love for you for the longest and Joan was my best friend in the academy. I decided to start seeing her’’. Lindsay broke down crying and covered her face. ‘’How long..’’ Halstead wanted to hold her and told her I am sorry for hurting you this way, but he couldn’t because he would just be denied. ‘’How long what…’’.Lindsay just shouted crying as loud as she could. ‘’ YOU'VE BEEN SEEING THIS BITCH’’. Halstead walked to her and grabbed her hand which she quickly jolted it back. ‘’Forget it. I just wish you didn’t cheat , but just broke up with me’’. She got back into her car and drove off not looking back just straight home. 

‘’You are such a dick Halstead’’. Joan slapped Halstead before walking quickly away from him. Halstead stood there and just played through the memories he had with Erin Lindsay. The both of them buying the couch, the intimate moments they have shared, and the apartment they had brought with their combined income. Halstead drove back home ,but he came home with his clothes and other personal belongings out of the door. There was a little note on top of it. ‘’Jay, you are no longer part of the lease. Best regards, Erin’’. Halstead understood that it was no point of trying to go knock on that door and just apologize over and over again. He gathered his stuff shoving it into his pickup truck before quickly driving away. Halstead broke down crying as he drove to Will’s place. Lindsay watched from the window as she held herself crying like she never did before.


	2. Final Goodbye

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This includes some spoilers from 4x23 ,but this has a little twist to it ,but still contains content from that episode. So if you haven’t caught up or watched this episode you have a choice to not read it.

Lindsay sat down and looked around at all those officers ranked levels higher than where she was. ‘’We see that you killed the minor for what probable cause detective’’? One of the commanders asked. Lindsay took in a deep breathe; her heart was beating fast and she heard those words. ‘’I shot him because he pointed a gun at my face. I had no other options’’. The commanders took down some notes and looked at each other nodding their heads gently as to signal something. ‘’Erin Lindsay we would like to have your gun and badge until we complete our thorough investigation’’. She took off her badge and gun placing it roughly on the table before walking out. She sat down at the bench that was located just outside the door just to take everything in. Her phone rang ; she realized that it was her mother and she quickly answered. Her mother explained to her what had happened. Lindsay explained that she couldn’t work with her unit due to the circumstances. 

Lindsay called up Voight and told him everything. The intelligence unit went and helped Erin’s mom. Lindsay later arrived to her apartment watching tv, when she heard knocking on the door. It was someone dressed in a suit , confused she opened the door. It was a lady from the FBI. ‘’Hey Erin Lindsay’’? Lindsay nodded her head she didn’t want to hear anything else just be by herself. ‘’I would like to inform you that your mother has been picked up by us’’. Lindsay rolled her eyes and grabbed her jacket following the lady to the headquarters. ‘’Mom, what did you do’’? She yelled. Bunny grabbed her hands and looked into her eyes. ‘’I had oxycodone in my car. Erin I’m sorry’’. Lindsay just walked out then was stopped by the exact FBI lady from earlier stopped her. ‘’If you want to help your my mom out join the FBI’’. Lindsay looked at her mother sadly then back at the lady. ‘’Okay’’. 

‘’Hank I am leaving Chicago. I got a job offer with the FBI’’. Voight placed his hands on her shoulders. ‘’You all I have Erin’’. Lindsay wiped her tears and patted his hands before walking out. This will be the last time she ever stepped into the 21st. 

Later on that evening, Atwater, Dawson, Ruzek and Burgess were all drinking at Molly’s. Halstead kept checking his phone to see if Lindsay called or texted , but there was nothing. Ruzek noticed this and patted his back. ‘’She will come bro ‘’. Halstead nodded his head. ‘’Yeah man’’. Halstead called Lindsay to see if she would come but nothing. Lindsay hanged up the phone as soon as she saw his name pop up. Halstead stared at the phone for a while before walking back home.  
As Halstead opened the door, the apartment they had shared all of their memories gone. Halstead couldn’t help but cry softly. He threw a vase that was left behind against the empty wall where he spotted an envelope . He quickly began to read it. ‘’Babe, I am very sorry ,but I can not be in Chicago anymore. I got a job at the FBI and what happened costed my gun and badge. Don’t worry about me anymore. Thank you for the best relationship I ever had. -Erin Lindsay’’. Halstead grabbed his jacket and went out to the bar where Ruzek was sitting watching the Black-hawks game. 

‘’Man, she left.. She’s gone. She is not coming back’’. Halstead said as he broke down crying. Ruzek felt bad for Halstead as he held his chest crying. Ruzek knew how it was like to lose the love of your life forever.


	3. Don't Leave Me, Yet

Halstead and Lindsay laid in bed watching TV, snuggling together. They had a long day fighting people and arresting people ; it was time for them just to relax and forget about the awful world to come face to face with everyday. Lindsay was nodding off to sleep. Halstead stared at her as she laid her head against his chest closing her eyes. He couldn’t help but smile knowing that his crush for the longest time finally the love of his life. Halstead quickly shut off the TV and went to sleep. Suddenly, Halstead began to get flashbacks from the war seeing his best friends get killed in front of his eyes. He began whimpering and crying in his sleep. Lindsay heard this and woke up pulling Halstead close as he swung thinking he was under attack. ‘’Baby, baby it is just me calm down I’m right here’’. Halstead opened his eyes and looked right into Erin’s. ‘’B babe , did I hit you’’. Lindsay rubbed his cheek softly and kissed him. ‘’No you didn’t’’. Halstead turn the TV back on. ‘’You can go back to bed. I’ll watch some TV to get me distracted for a while’’. Lindsay nodded her head and snuggled her head on his chest. ‘’I’m going to stay awake with you’’. Halstead smiled and kissed her forehead gently. ‘’Okay, fine’’. 

The next day, Lindsay woke up to see some tears still in his eyes. She wiped them off and kissed him lovingly. He woke up and stretched a bit. ‘’Hey Erin’’. Lindsay smiled blushing. ‘’I’m not going in today. I’m not feeling too good’’. She nodded and kissed him once more. ‘’I’ll let Hank know’’. Lindsay got ready and took care of Halstead for a bit. ‘’If anything call me okay. I’ll be here’’. Halstead smiled and laid down on the couch pulling up the blankets over his head. He didn’t want to deal anything violent today. Tomorrow? Maybe. Just then Halstead began having flashbacks once more. He started to lose it, he broke down crying, he started to throw things against the wall or punching it. He also began looking for things to end his life with since it had gotten that far. 

Voight, Lindsay, Dawson, Olinksy,Atwater, and Ruzek were all working on a case ,when their scanners began blaring. ‘’ Neighbors are calling for a compliant someone is throwing and yelling in an apartment next to them. 16th and Indiana is the location’’. Lindsay’s eyes grew and began to water. ‘’Oh my god. It could be Halstead’’! She grabbed her sweater and keys before running downstairs quickly. The others soon followed as Lindsay just sped off to her apartment. She ran up to the apartment and saw Halstead lying there with some cuts on his wrists and forearms. ‘’No no no, Jay. Come on don’t leave me not yet not right now. We have our future’’! She pulled him up on her lap and began crying hard and loud. ‘’Help! Help! Jay cut himself. I think he’s dead’’! Voight and Atwater busted in and saw Erin holding the unconscious, Jay Halstead. Atwater grabbed Halstead and laid him down on the backseat of the squad car. ‘’Lindsay, go to med. Take as much time as you need’’. Voight said rubbing her arm. Lindsay couldn’t hold back her cries. She decided to ride with Atwater and Halstead to Chicago Med.

It was an hour since Halstead got admitted to Chicago Med. The whole 21st district station was in the waiting. The Intelligence Unit couldn’t believe what Halstead had done. Lindsay had her knees up to her chest crying into her knees. Will Halstead decided to give them some news good or bad they didn’t care they just wanted to know about Halstead. ‘’Jay, is great. He is awake, he’s talking, alert, and he is in good condition’’. Lindsay walked up to Will her eyes were red and watery very much at that point. ‘’ C can I see him’’. He nodded his head as hugged her. He pointed to the room where Jay was located. As soon as Lindsay walked in, she couldn’t hold back her emotions. ‘’JAY WHAT WERE YOU THINKING’’! Halstead look at her and saw how heartbroken she was. He knew he was being selfish ,but he couldn’t bare with those flashbacks coming back all of a sudden. 

Halstead grabbed her hand and pulled her close to him. ‘’Erin, I know I was selfish of wanting to kill myself. But, you don’t understand these flashbacks I am having. The repetition of my fallen friends. I love you Erin. I love you very much I just had to, so I won’t be a burden for you to take care of in the future’’. Lindsay covered her face as she broke down. ‘’Come here baby’’. Halstead said as he opened his arms; Lindsay laid in his arms crying her heart out. Halstead cried his heart out too. Knowing that so much people cared about him, Halstead began to see a therapist. Lindsay was always there for him every time he needed someone to hear him out.


	4. ''I'm Sorry''

Lindsay has been spotting differences in Halstead’s behavior. He’s been drinking more , crying more, and being more angry. She doesn’t know if being there to help is actually helping in the first place at times she wants to comfort him ,but he told her no a bunch of times so she gave up on trying until one day. 

Halstead has been on paid temporary leave for accidentally shooting a minor ,while having a shoot-out with a raging suspect. That is the man reason he has been acting out this way. He loves kids even though he doesn’t have some of his own for this it kept breaking his heart , the way blood was pouring out the child’s head, the parents screaming, and everyone pointing and blaming Halstead. He just laid around drinking while, Lindsay did her work. Halstead watched her everyday through the window getting in her car and driving off. 

Lindsay got off from work quite early than usual because there wasn’t much to solve or do any work on. She decided to help Jay a bit by being more romantic than she had been since he fell into this deep ass hole. She brought their favorite food and two bottles of wine to set the mood off. She arrived home and put on her sleep wear before placing the food and wine on the small table in the living room. She scrolled through Netflix to find a very sweet and romantic movie they can watch and just relax being in each other’s arms. ‘’Jay’’! She screamed. No answer. She called about three more times. Still no answer. She sighed and scrunched up her hair a bit before walking to the bedroom. There laid a Halstead drunk with tears on his cheeks. Lindsay grew sad and decided to go in his arms and just hold him close. As she did so, Halstead woke up and slapped her hard. ‘’I told you not to help me’’! He shouted at her as she sat there crying holding her cheek. He never done this before and she for sure knew something was up with him. It took Halstead a few seconds to realize what he had done. ‘’Babe, look I’m sorry’’. Jay extended his hand and then it got slapped back. Lindsay stood up and walked away. Halstead noticed her cheek red and a bit pink; he felt horrible he never saw that much hurt in her eyes until today. 

Halstead took himself to the bathroom and stood there staring at himself in the mirror. ‘’God damn it, why am I so stupid. I hurt Erin for what? Because I’m selfish and not letting her help’’. Halstead punched the mirror hard enough to break it. Blood trickled down his knuckles and fist. He cleaned his hand and wrapped a bandage for his hand. He went back in the room and noticed just lying in bed crying her eyes out. Halstead laid next to her pulling her close and just held her as she cried Halstead did as well. Lindsay turned to look into his eyes; he couldn’t hurt her anymore he must tell her all his feelings. ‘’I’m sorry I hurt you baby. I was never cared for and when you tried I snapped. I’m sorry I didn’t know better’’.


	5. Death Shouldn't of Taken Thee

‘’Skeet, clash’’. The sound of glass breaking that is what Halstead heard before getting knocked out cold and waking up in Chicago Med. But little did he knew something else major had happened. 

The Intelligence unit all sat around in their desks waiting for a call or Voight to come in and that there is a major case to be taken care of, but all the action has been for Burgess since she was in patrol and that was just pulling over an drunken idiot who had ran over a traffic cone on Lake Shore Drive. ‘’Burgess , is lucky she had to chase down that drunk dumbass’’. Atwater said. This caused laughter among Lindsay and Dawson. Voight walked in and slammed 2 pictures of what appears to be two murder victims. ‘’Timothy Jace and Anne Paige both were found murdered by the South Loop. Apparently, they were involved in a robbery that went downhill quickly’’. They all studied the pictures a bit more before Ruzek spoke. ‘’Did the victims knew each other or was one of them just collateral damage’’? Voight shrugged his shoulders. ‘’I’m not sure ,but every detail counts’’. Everyone started to do research about the victims. ‘’ Anything yet’’? Everyone disappointedly nodded their heads no. Platt had a young man with her as she walked upstairs. ‘’ This young gentleman said he witnessed the altercation and wants to give his account of what had happened’’ Voight smiled and nodded. ‘’Thanks Trudy, Halstead and Lindsay interview this young man maybe we can this bastard’’. 

The young man was a nervous wreck his right leg was trembling quite a lot and he was avoiding eye contact with Halstead and Lindsay this quickly gave them a suspicious sense. ‘’Okay, give us all the information you can when you saw the robbery’’. Lindsay said laying down the pictures of the deceased. ‘’ I was getting off the ‘L’’ then I saw this man approached this man and woman he demanded for the woman’s jewelry ,but she refused to give it up then the man interfered and both got a bullet to the head’’. Halstead wrote down everything they had said and gave it to Voight. ‘’Okay thank you. Can you wait here for just a minute’’? The kid nodded his head. Lindsay joined the rest of the group. ‘’Okay let’s ask the kid a few more questions, then we can get a possible lead’’. Halstead said as he walked back into the interrogation room ;Lindsay quickly followed. As they arrived to the room, the kid was gone and the interrogation window was shattered everywhere. They quickly ran out and told the rest of the intelligence team about what had happened. ‘’Gear up’’. Voight yelled as they scrambled and gathered their guns and bulletproof vests. 

‘’I knew that kid was part of this’’. Halstead said as he placed the vest on Lindsay. Lindsay kissed Halstead softly. ‘’Hey what was that for’’? Halstead said clipping his gun to his waist. ‘’Just a kiss since I love you’’. They got in the car and began to drive to the young man’s apartment to see if he is there. While driving, a car from behind crashed into them causing Lindsay to curb off the road into the grassy area the car flipped at least twice causing significant injuries to the both of them. Olinsky and Atwater saw the collision and quickly ran out to help them. ‘’Lindsay! Halstead!’’ They both shouted ,but there was no answer. Voight and the others soon showed up all with shocked and worried expressions across their faces. The ambulance arrived as soon as they can and took them to Chicago Med. 

Sadly, Lindsay didn’t make she suffered brain hemorrhaging and other structural damages to her skull. She couldn’t be saved no matter how much the doctors and nurses tried it came to no prevail. Halstead wasn’t even awake to get the notification. The others sat in the waiting room tears streaming down their faces. 

Halstead eventually woke up and jolted up a bit. ‘’Erin’’! Olinksy held down Halstead. ‘’ Hey man sorry but.. Lindsay didn’t make it’’. Halstead broke down crying hard. ‘’Why couldn’t I die’’! Olinksy held Halstead as he cried against Olinksy’s shoulder. ‘’ I’m sorry so sorry Jay’’. The others couldn’t deal with the loss of Detective Lindsay it was too much for them to handle especially Halstead. He stopped working with the Intelligence unit and decided to do something easier and less graphic and violent.


	6. Dark Past

Halstead and Lindsey got a call from Voight in the middle of the night.'' I want to call in dead sometimes''. Halstead said yawning. ''Oh, come on''. Lindsay said pulling him up by his T-shirt. They quickly got ready then headed out the door. 

They arrived on the scene a dead man laid on the grass with a bullet hole in his head. Lindsay and Halstead walked over to observe the area and body for clues. Lindsay locked eyes with the deceased man and broke down crying. ''I got to go''. She yelled before running back to the car. Halstead was about to go to her, but Voight told him to help the others. Halstead shook his head and walked away. Lindsay had her head down as she cried; Voight approached her. ''Erin, why are you crying. Do you know this man''? Lindsay kept crying. ''Can I just not work this case? I just want to be alone for awhile''. Voight looked at how hurt she was and sighed. ''Okay, go on home. I'll speak with you later''. Lindsay said her thank you before driving off. Halstead watched as she drove off. Halstead approached Voight. ''Where is Erin going''? Voight gave him a look.'' She is just not feeling good. You have work go do it''. Halstead walked back as he was gathering clues for and he couldn't stop thinking about Lindsay. ''What is her problem''. 

They worked the case the whole night, while Lindsay met up with her mom to talk to her about this. ''Mom, it was him the guy. He got killed''. Bunny hugged her. ''Thank god he is dead. Right''? Lindsay kept crying. ''i hope they are already done with the case''.Bunny kissed Lindsay's forehead before walking out. Lindsay ate her remaining food before she received a text from Halstead. ''Voight wants you at the 21st now''. She rolled her eyes before going to her car. 

She walked into Voight's office closing the door behind her. ''You wanted to speak with me, Hank''? Voight stood up and walked to her. ''Yes I do. What was our connection with that man''? She looked down. ''I rather tell them. They are my best friends. They deserve to know as well''. Voight shrugged his shoulders. ''If that is what you want''. Lindsay and Voight walked out of the office. Lindsay walked to the front of the room holding her hands together in front of her. ''I guess it is time to tell you all why I got off the case. That man use to beat my mom and me. He use to leave bruises and cuts to my arms and face. But, my mom grew enough balls and moved out''. Lindsay was crying at this point, so she ran to the locker room crying really hard. Halstead quickly followed her. ''How come you never told me, Erin''. Lindsay kept crying. ''Because you will see me different and maybe love me different''. Halstead pulled her close and lifted her chin slightly before kissing her slowly and softly. ''Nothing you do will make me love you any other way''. They sat there hugging each other, Lindsay cried a bit more. ''Let's go home and rest''.


End file.
